This was the scene outside the front door at 5:45 a.m. Yeah, we're getting a dandy old winter storm. To make matters worse my bus was about 45 minutes late and while I was waiting we (that's me and everybody else who was waiting) were being regularly pelted by snowballs hurled by Mother Nature. How can this be you ask ? Well, there are several large trees near the bus stop and every couple of minutes a gust of wind would blow some of the wet, heavy snow off the trees and hurl it on us petty humans standing waiting for the bus. After about 40 minutes of this I was drenched. Then, when the bus finally showed up I made my to the back, only to discover that the bus had sprung several leaks. That's right, there was water leaking from several spots in the ceiling, so I got a nice little shower on the way to work. And to top things off some inconsiderate twit went speeding through a large puddle about a block from my building, pretty much soaking two of us who were deperately trying to get out of the way. So, between the wet blowing snow, the snowballs being hurled by Mother Nature, the shower on the bus and the twit I got to work looking and feeling like a drowned rat. Even my underwear are wet.

The only good thing about this experience is that I was able to photograph Mother Nature's cruel joke with MY AWESOME NEW DIGITAL CAMERA !!!

Yeah, I'm going to be saying that for a while so get used to it.

Posted by OldGuy at 9:37 AM | Comments (4)

April 14, 2007

Pretty Good Birthday

Well, overall it was a pretty good birthday. I got a card from the folks at work, which was nice.

In the evening the family, that is myself, Mrs. OldGuy, the princess, grandma, and a couple of other relatives went out to a very nice steakhouse for dinner. I ordered a huge steak and French fries, ate half, and brought the rest home for lunch today.

After dinner we came home for cake and coffee and presents. I love presents. Speaking of which, the pictures were taken with MY AWESOME NEW DIGITAL CAMERA !!! Yes, my wife bought me one, which is so cool. I love it ! That's the princess and myself and my hand, sporting the silver bracelet the princess gave me. The lumps are courtesy of the arthritis. Somewhat ugly but nothing I can do about that I'm afraid.

The lad called just as we walked in the door and it was great to talk to him. Unfortunately he's off work right now (yeah, he just started a new job) because he cut himself rather badly doing dishes.

There was one down side to the day. I've recently developed a problem swallowing (I'm having tests done for it) and after we got home I started to cough quite badly. I finally got sick then got the shakes quite bad. Although I'm obviously okay the cough seems to be lingering today. Oh well, as I said, I'm having the problem investigated at the end of the month so hopefully it's nothing serious.

Anyway, that's it for now, so have a great weekend folks.

Posted by OldGuy at 9:46 PM | Comments (3)

April 13, 2007

Posted by OldGuy at 1:45 AM | Comments (8)

April 12, 2007

A Murder in Minneapolis - Part 5

As the strains of Cocomo faded away Lumbago heard a voice call out "I'll get it."

"Who is that Mrs. Mcdonut ?" he asked the readhead.

"That's my husband Pet."

"Mrs. McDonut, we hardly know each other" said Lumbago, blushing profusely.

"You don't understand. It's my husband Pet."

"Mrs. McDonut please, I'm an officer of the law."

"He's Pet !!"

"I see" said Lumbago, pretending to understand. "But what about the dog ?"

"He's Manley ."

"Your husband is the pet and the dog is manly ?"

"Now you're being stooooopid (a small shiver of delight went through her body). Their names are Pet and Manley." She rolled her eyes, slam-dunking the basketball as she did so.

Lumbago decided to pursue another avenue. Pursuing other avenues often led him down the road to understanding, although sometimes he reached a dead end. Other times his thoughts simply went round and round like a car stuck in a traffic circle until his head hurt and he had to lay down.

He asked the redhead where she'd been last Friday at 10 p.m. Not that it mattered, nothing had happened at 10 p.m. last Friday that had anything to do with this case. He was just rattling her cage.

Feeling safe inside her gilded Go-Go cage, (the redhead had purchased it at Target last year when she and Pet were throwing a 60's retro party and she still liked to dress up and get in and pretend she was a hot Go-Go dancer) the redhead replied that she'd been out of town on a grown up lady business trip, adding "Stop rattling my cage Captain."

Lumbago stopped rattling. He put on his sunglasses to cut down the glare coming from the disco lights then stood sideways looking at the redhead dancing in her cage. He looked very cool.

The redhead's husband entered the room accompanied by a grizzled man dressed in black. "You're missing the fireworks dear. Oh, who is this ?" he asked the readhead.

"This is Captain Lumbago Pain of the Minneapolis SPCA. He's investigating a murder Pet."

"Murder !" exclaimed Pet.

"Yes, Mr. McDonut, more specifically a mousiecide."

"Oh my God" cried Pet and promptly fainted.

The redhead addressed the grizzled man in black. "Hello."

And that was when Lumbago recognized him.

"You !!!" he exclaimed.

Posted by OldGuy at 10:52 AM | Comments (5)

April 10, 2007

What Colour is your Brain ?

Your Brain is Purple

Of all the brain types, yours is the most idealistic. You tend to think wild, amazing thoughts. Your dreams and fantasies are intense. Your thoughts are creative, inventive, and without boundaries. You tend to spend a lot of time thinking of fictional people and places - or a very different life for yourself.

Seems about right to me.

Posted by OldGuy at 1:19 PM | Comments (4)

Not to Shabby a Weekend

So as I said last Thursday we went to Toronto for the weekend, took Grandma with us. Mrs. OldGuy (who turned 44 last Friday), the princess and I left home Friday morning and made the short drive to Brockville where we picked grandma up. Then it was off to Toronto. My wife drove all the way as I'm a bit sore these days and certainly don't mind relinquishing the wheel. We got to Toronto around 5:30 p.m., took our stuff up to the appartment and settled in. Then it was off to dinner at The Pickle Barrel, one of our favourite restaurants. After that we went back to the appartment and called it a day shortly thereafter.

Saturday we went to Ikea for breakfast then to the Yorkdale Mall for a few hours, then to The Mandarin Restaurant for dinner. Unfortunately the princess had come down with a bit of a bug by then and couldn't eat. Not only that but she was sick to her stomach all evening and through the night.

Easter Sunday, although the Easter Bunny managed to find us and left plenty of treats the princess hunted for about 15 minutes then decided she needed to lay down. She had no interest whatsoever in chocolate and in fact barely ate anything all day, even at Grandma's later that evening (we left Toronto around 2 p.m. and headed back). On the other hand she was just chipper enough that she and I joked and laughed most of the way back as I sat in the back seat of the car with her and grandma rode up front with my wife.

Yesterday we left grandma's in the late afternoon and were back in Ottawa an hour later. The princess had a bit of homework to do, which sucked but that's life. I put on my pyjamas early, puttered on the computer for a bit, finished a book then went to bed.

All in all, not too shabby a weekend. Now I have to get the next installment of our never-ending murder mystery done. It should be out by tomorrow night.

On another note, I've decided to open up comments again (no need for me to approve them). Since my host upgraded to MT 3.34 the spam filter seems to be working really well. That and the fact that I close comments to entries more than 3 months old has drastically reduced the amount of spam so I think it's safe to do, at least for now.

One more thing, this Friday, April 13th, I turn the big five oh. My friend Suzi says it's just a number. So is 666.

Posted by OldGuy at 9:52 AM | Comments (4)

April 5, 2007

And Now for a Brief Musical Interlude

As the Easter weekend is upon us and we're leaving for Toronto in the morning our story will resume next week. In the meantime I offer you the following piece of musical history about our hero (to be sung to the tune of Fernando by Abba).

Can you hear the screams Lumbago ?
I remember long ago a night when things went quite amiss
In the bathroom Lumbago
You were playing with yourself and quietly enjoying a nice cigar
I could hear your distant cries
And sounds of sirens wailing coming from afar

You were in such pain Lumbago
Every hour every minute seemed to last eternally
You were so afraid Lumbago
So young and full of life but all you wanted was to curl up and die
And I'm not ashamed to say
The sight of your poor weenie almost made me cry

There were doctors all around that night
To ease your plight, Lumbago
They were working hard you see
In surgery, Lumbago
Though you were quite lucky to pull through
I do regret
That you'll never get it up again
Like then, my friend, Lumbago

Now we're old and gray Lumbago
And since many years I haven't seen your weenie in your hand
Can you hear the screams Lumbago ?
Do you still recall that fateful night you dropped a Corona Grand ?
I can see it in your eyes
How scared you were when things didn't turn out as you'd planned

There were doctors all around that night
To ease your plight, Lumbago
They were working hard you see
In surgery, Lumbago
Though you were quite lucky to pull through
I do regret
That you'll never get it up again
Like then, my friend, Lumbago

Posted by OldGuy at 5:26 PM | Comments (5)

April 3, 2007

A Murder in Minneapolis - Part 4

"Isn't that the ugliest case if shingles you've ever seen captain ?" asked the redhead.

"Good God yes, I've never seen anything like it. How long has she been like that ?" asked Lumbago.

"Oh, 2 - 3 weeks" replied the redhead.

"2 - 3 weeks ? That's terrible", replied Lumbago.

"Yep. Can you imagine walking around looking like that ?" The redhead tried to look sad but Lumbago noticed the twinkle in her eye, almost as if she found the young girl's situation funny. It occurred to him that someone who could find something so horrible amusing might be capable of darker thoughts, thoughts that could lead to murder.

"Mom, how long am I going to be stuck with this ugly case of shingles" asked the young girl ?

"Dear, when I got them I had them for two months."

"TWO MONTHS !!! But mom look at me ! My arms must two inches longer from carrying this ugly case of shingles. If I have to carry this thing for two months I'm going to turn into a knuckle-dragger !!"

" There's nothing I can do about it dear. It's like your grandfather said, you kissed too many boys so the shingle fairy brought you an ugly case of shingles. When you've stopped kissing boys long enough she'll take it away. For me, it was two months. Could be longer for you, it depends how many boy's you've kissed."

"But mom !!!! Ballie's kissed a lot of boys and she didn't get an ugly case of shingles !! It isn't fair !!"

"Nobody ever said life was fair dear. Ballie will get what's coming to her some day. Now run along and play with your shingles."

"Stupid shingle fairy" said the young girl. She turned to go, hit the wall, bounced off it, and dropped her case of shingles, spilling them on the floor."

"Not again, I'm so tired of this !" said the girl. She knelt, picked up her shingles, put them back in the box, and stood up.

"Door's to your left dear" said the readhead.

"Thanks mom."

"Mrs. McDonut, I really must ask what's going on. Why is your daughter carrying around an ugly case of shingles ?"

"Oh, it's my dad. He's been up to his old shenanigans again."

"Your father did this to her ?"

"Yessss, yessss. He told Nelly that if she didn't stop kissing boys the shingle fairy would bring her an ugly case of shingles and she'd have to carry it around until the shingle fairy took it away again."

"And she believed him ?"

"Captain, she just walked into a wall. Doesn't that tell you something?"

"Yes, I suppose it does. But about your father. Why would he do such a terrible thing to an innocent young girl ?"

"Oh, dad's just a big kidder, he's always playing jokes like that on people. Heck, like you heard me say, he did the same thing to me when I was young."

Could it run in the family wondered Lumbago ? Evil genius father, evil genius daughter ? He'd seen it before, when The Roadrunner finally bought it. Hmmm....

Just then the doorbell rang. It played Cocomo again. Lumbago started to hum. Then he stood up and started to dance.

"What are you doing captain ?" asked the readhead, puzzled.

"It's this song Mrs. McDonut. Every time I hear it I feel all warm inside and I just have to sing and dance. It's like that scene in Singing in the Rain when it starts to rain and Gene Kelly has to dance. I can't help myself. Would you dance with me Mrs. McDonut ?"

"I don't dance captain. If it's alright with you I'll go to my happy place."

He danced.

She dribbled.

Outside fireworks lit up the sky.

Posted by OldGuy at 8:33 PM | Comments (2)

April 1, 2007

Sunday Morning Musings

As some of you may have noticed it's been a while since I've been here on a Sunday. If you've been paying attention you've also noticed I simply haven't been blogging as much since the lad left. I'll let you figure it out.

Anyway, I'm here today and feeling okay. Not great, but okay.

It's finally beginning to look like spring and that's a good thing. You folks know about my love-hate relationship with winter (love the sights, hate the cold) so when the weather warms up it's just love-love. (love the sights, love the warmth). It's nice not to have to fiddle with boots, hats, gloves and scarves in the morning too, just grab a coat and you're out the door. In another month or so even the coat won't be necessary and not too long after that I'll be able to go out completely naked ! Well, except that I might get arrested. Not for indecent exposure but for inflicting great psychological harm upon little children. At least that's what the princess tells me. Lately it's "dad put a shirt on, dad don't wear shorts, dad just cover up !" And then there's the hair thing I told you guys about before. I'm losing it on my head but growing it elsewhere. And the stinky thing. Growing old is seriously beginning to tick me off ! Speaking of which I turn the big 50 this month and I'm not looking forward to that. See, 50 has this connotation to it, like "Oh, you're 50, what kind of shape is your retirement fund in ?" Or "Oh, you're 50, take my seat, you need it more than I do." And the worst one of all "Your blood pressure's good, your heart sounds fine, but now that you're 50 let's check your prostate."

I dreamed about the lad last night and woke up crying. Then when I woke up and went to wipe away the tears I realized my whole left arm was in pain. Fortunately I noticed this before I had moved it all the way to my face or I probably would have screamed bloody murder (speaking of which, the next installment of our mystery should be up by tomorrow night but please don't hold me to that, if you must hold me to anything let it be your soft warm bosom; it's coming, and probably another couple installments after that before we reach the exciting conclusion). So it was off to the kitchen to pop some Tylenol, whistling merrily as I went.. Only there was no Snow White. Or dwarfs. But there was drugs, which made for a somewhat happy ending. I swear I live on Tylenol. And coffee. Hey, there's an idea, if they can make decaffeinated coffee, why not make ReTylenolated coffee. You know, take out the caffeine, replace it with Tylenol. I don't know about you but I'd buy it.

I've been Photoshopping again, yes indeed I have. Someone saw the last thing I did and mentioned that it looked very retro and/or James Bondish so I decided to run with that. The idea here was to put three girls on a British looking stage and line up the girl in the middle up so that her peace sign and hip-shot pose were dead centre. Her head still shows up well as they're all against a white background. The twins were of course copied and pasted from the last image and are meant to counterbalance her. Then I added shadows and backlit the "stage" with the light fading towards the bottom. I like it myself and it looks very cool on my desktop.

Anyway, that's it for now. Have a great week folks.

Posted by OldGuy at 9:13 AM | Comments (5)