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March 29, 2007
A Murder in Minneapolis - Part 3
"Mick E. Mouse was the power behind the throne in Minneapolis Mrs. McDonut. Nothing went down in this town without his approval, not even Hildegard the Happy Hooker" said Lumbago.
"And he was murdered ? " inquired the redhead.
"We believe so. His body was found in a dumpster not far from here"
"But people kill mice all the time, I mean he's just a frickin mouse right ?"
"Mrs. McDonut, if you believe that you're as deluded as the rest of the people in this town. But I don't believe you believe that. I believe you believe something else entirely. I believe you believe what those of us who know the truth believe. I believe that sincerely. "
"Well, you believe wrong captain. I don't believe what you believe. I believe something else."
"I wish I could believe that Mrs. Mcdonut, but I can't. I believe you're lying. I believe you believe the same thing I do but you want to make me believe you don't believe it. I believe you believe that Mickey was a powerful mouse and I believe you know who murdered him."
"And I believe you're frickin nuts captain."
"Mrs. McDonut, have you ever heard of Mickey Mouse ?"
"D'uuuhhhh, helllllooooooo, isn't that who we're talking about ? Those blue sparkles do something to your brain captain or have you been making side trips to Canada on the weekend ?"
"I said Mickey, not Mick E. Perhaps you should clean the caulk out of your ears."
"I have a cock in my ear ?"
"See, there you go again. Here, use this."
"You want me to stick a Q-tip in my ear ?"
"Beats caulk."
"That's your opinion."
"Anyway, getting back to Mickey Mouse, you've heard of him right ?"
"Sure, cartoon character created by Walt Disney. What about him ?"
"Mrs. Mcdonut, that's what everybody believes. In actual fact, Walt Disney did not create Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse created Walt Disney."
"Okaaaaaaayyyy (gosh that feels good she thought as an aside). I still think you're nuts but let's say I believe you. I still don't see what this has to do with me" said the redhead as she removed a large piece of caulk from her ear.
"Mrs McDonut, there's a whole other world out there. It's vast and it's shadowy but it exists. Mickey and Mick E. were a big part of it, a very big part of it. And I believe Mick E. was murdered because he was horning in on someone's territory."
"Mick E. was horny ?'
"Have another Q-tip."
Just then a young blonde girl with a case of shingles walked into the room.
Lumbago gasped !
Posted by OldGuy at 8:49 AM | Comments (4)
March 28, 2007
Skunk Punk
If I was a skunk
I'd be a devilish sort of skunk punk
All tricked out in shiny black
With a gnarly white stripe down my back
I'd say listen up Mr Fox
You ain't nothin with your auburn locks
You let me be, let me hang loose
Or you'll get a taste of nasty skunk juice
And as for you Mr Porcupine
Lest you enjoys a glass of skunky wine
You just take them pointy quills
Turn around and head for the hills
I'd be the toughest skunk around
All the animals I would astound
I'd be rude and I'd be blunt
Not too bad for a little runt
Posted by OldGuy at 8:52 AM | Comments (4)
March 26, 2007
A Murder in Minneapolis - Part 2
Lumbago stared, transfixed, at the redhead. She would lazily dribble the basketball in her left eye for a few seconds then she'd throw it into her right eye, where it landed in the basket almost every time. For the few seconds when the basketball disappeared from her left eye it twitched, almost as if it had something in it that was irritating it, which it obviously didn't as the basketball was quite clearly not there. Not only that but the eye tried to follow the basketball to the other side, but of course it could only go so far, giving it a cross-eyed appearance. Could it be that the eye missed the basketball, felt adrift in a sea of loneliness without it ? The right eye twitched when she failed to sink a basket.
"Interesting contacts" said Lumbago.
"Contacts ? I have 20-20 vision, I don't wear contacts", she replied.
"So how do you do that basketball thing? " he asked.
"What basketball thing ?" replied the redhead.
"You know, when you..." then he stopped. The woman had no idea what he was talking about. Is it me he wondered ? No, she's actually doing that, she just doesn't know it.
"I take it you're a basketball fan then ?" asked Lumbago.
"Basketball, oh I absitively love basketball" she replied, then slam dunked the ball.
"Permit me to introduce myself madam. I'm Captain Lumbago Pain of the Minneapolis SPCA homicide squad."
"The SPCA has a homicide squad ? That's stupid." She dragged out the word, pronouncing it "stoooooopid." The redhead liked dragging out words. Some days she dragged out lots of words. It was annoying to her listeners and she didn't say much what with all that word dragging but it felt good, and as far as she was concerned that's all that mattered.
"Well, I'm Floosi McDonut. So what brings you here Captain ?"
"Perhaps we'd better talk inside where we can sit Mrs. McDonut."
The redhead invited him in.
A few moments later they were seated in the living room.
"Would you like a drink captain, I have beer, wine ?' she asked.
"No thank you, I'm on duty" replied Lumbago.
"Coffee ?" she asked again.
"No thank you, I don't drink coffee."
"Crack ?"
"Never touch the stuff before noon."
"Can I get you anything at all ?" she tried again.
"Sparkling water if you have it."
"Coming right up" she replied.
"With blue sparkles."
"I beg your pardon ?" she asked. This guy was a little weird she thought. Little did she know he was quickly formulating the same opinion of her.
"I said with blue sparkles."
"Okaaaaaaaay" she replied. It felt good so she said it again "Okaaaaaaaakay. Then one more time "Okaaaaaaaay."
Then she left the room.
In the kitchen Floosi found some sparkling water of the clear variety. Then she had an idea. She had some blue sparkles left over from Nelly's last birthday cake so she shook some in. That ought to do it she thought.
She returned to the living room and offered Lumbago his sparkling water. He looked disappointed.
"What's wrong captain" she asked.
"I prefer baby blue sparkles. But hey it's okay, no need to get up again on my account."
"So captain, what brings you here then ?" she asked again.
"I'm here about a murder Mrs. McDonut, specifically the murder of one Mick E. Mouse."
The redhead briefly looked shaken then quickly recomposed herself.
"Never heard of him" she replied.
She was dribbling the basketball again, only this time quite quickly.
Posted by OldGuy at 9:22 PM | Comments (5)
Made This on the Weekend
So I did a little Phoshopping on the weekend, thought I'd try something new. Anyway, after playing around for a few hours on Saturday this is what I came up with. The princess thought it was cool and would make a neat desktop. I changed the colours this morning to the ones you see now because my wife said the ones I had weren't bright enough (I had blue and purple). I like it much better myself actually, it seems to "pop" more, as she likes to put it.
Anyway, it was fun to experiment with this, I learned a lot doing it.
Part 2 of "A Murder..." will be up tonight. Between Photoshopping and helping the princess with a school project all day yesterday I didn't get a chance to even think about it.
Posted by OldGuy at 8:09 AM | Comments (5)
March 23, 2007
TGIF
Not a whole lot of news except that it's been a pretty fair week. As already mentioned the princess had a birthday on sunday and the lad called so that was all good. The weather is really starting to warm up so that's good too. Of course, this being eastern Canada winter may not be completely over but at leat one can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Other than that, not much news except to say that part two of "A Murder in Minneapolis" should be up by Sunday.
Posted by OldGuy at 1:17 PM | Comments (5)
March 21, 2007
A Murder in Minneapolis - Part 1
Captain Lumbago Pain of the Minneapolis SPCA arrived at the house with tires squealing and dome light flashing. It was hard to make the tires squeal on a tricycle but he managed to do it every time. He got off his tricycle and removed his hat with the red light on top.
The house was painted various shades of yellow. It looked like a large lemon.
There was a flagstone path at the front of the house and the flags in the stones were waving. It took him five minutes to negotiate the path to the front door.
He pressed the doorbell. It played Cocomo by the Beach boys. He hummmed along. Then he started dancing. Then he remembered he was here on business and got himself under control.
He stood sideways and waited. Lumbago did everything standing sideways because it was very cool. He had however discovered that this didn't work very well when going for a pee so always sat down when in the bathroom. It was a small price to pay for being cool.
Just as Cocomo ended the door was opened by a young blonde girl carrying a large rawhide bone. A little brown dog hung from it. The girl threw the bone into the front yard. The dog went with it. The bone hit the ground, bounced twice, then came to rest against a large tree. The dog, laying on its back with all four legs splayed out, was still attached to it.
"Stanley, for the last time, stop bringing that disgusting bone in the house" the girl yelled.
The dog bared what few teeth it had that weren't firmly imbedded in the rawhide bone and growled.
The girl noticed Lumbago and asked him what she could do for him.
"I'm here to investigate a murder"said Lumbago.
"Oh, then you'll be wanting my mom" the girl replied. She turned around and yelled "Mom, there's someone here to see you."
A few moments later a middle-aged redhead came to the door. Just as Lumbago was about to say something the redhead looked up at him. She was wearing a contact lens that looked like a basketball in her left eye and one that looked like a basketball net in her right eye.
She was slowly dribbling the basketball.
Posted by OldGuy at 10:12 AM | Comments (3)
March 20, 2007
Just a Few Updates
The lad called his sister on her birthday. She was very happy and excited to hear from him. After she spoke to him we all said a few words. He seems happy and is doing well. He says he misses us, and of course we told him we miss him too. He might come for a visit soon, so that would be great.
The weather was brutally cold this morning but it's supposed to warm up considerably over the next few days. I'm certainly looking forward to that, it should help the old joints.
The princess was on March break last week and thoroughly enjoyed herself. She lazed around the house, did a few things with her mother, went to a cooking class one day, and out for birthday lunch last Friday at her favourite Japanese restaurant. They cook the food right at your table, and although we've been many times she'd never actually seen them do the flame thing (that's where they make a really big fire right in front of you) so the cook did it for her. She was suitably impressed as the flames shot right up into the exhaust vent way up near the ceiling. On Sunday we went out for diner and took her best friend with us, then came home for coffee and cheesecake with friends.
A colleague at work mentioned I should try Enbrel for the arthritis. I think I'll ask my rheumatologist about it. Seems it works miracles, at least it did for her.
Anyway, that's it for now.
I gotta get back into writing mode soon, I feel a story or two brewing.
Posted by OldGuy at 2:33 PM | Comments (2)
March 18, 2007
Happy Birthday Princess
When you were one
You weren't much fun
But you were sorta cute
In your birthday suit
When you were two
That's when I knew
You'd stolen my heart
Right from the start
When you were three
It was easy to see
We were going to get along
Like Fay Wray and King Kong
When you were four
I loved you even more
With your head full of curls
Like soft golden whorls
When you were five
This ain't no jive
Father-daughter date night
Was a real delight
When you were six
I'd get my kicks
Telling you a silly joke
Or giving your belly a poke
When you were seven
Nowhere near eleven
We'd ride our bikes round the block
Paying no attention to the clock
When you were eight
It was really great
To hang out with you
Just us two
Now that you're nine
Sweet baby of mine
I just wanna say
Have a fantastic birthday
Posted by OldGuy at 12:58 AM | Comments (4)
March 12, 2007
He Takes a Licking and Keeps on Ticking
Or maybe you prefer "He keeps going and going and going ..." Either way, I'm still here.
As mentioned previously my arthritis has been bad lately so when I haven't been at work I've mostly avoided the computer until a few days ago. Furthermore there's that business with the lad that has sorta sucked the fun out of things so ...
Anyway, things will get better, they always do. Certainly the the weather starting to warm up is going to help, I feel like a completely different person in the summer. Last year I felt like Tom Cruise, and the year before that I felt like John Wayne. I remember the summer I felt like Groucho Marx. That was a lot of fun, especially the day we went to the races. Or the time the princess and I made duck soup.
Still not much news from the lad. He and I have exchanged a couple of e-mails but that's about it. I imagine he'll call the princess on her birthday so hopefully we'll talk to him then.
So given that I haven't had any ideas for stories or poems lately I decided to play around with Photoshop this weekend. It was fun, especially as the princess is really getting into it too. This weekend I made some patterns for my desktop and the princess tackled a glass orb. That's our work there. I'm quite proud of the princess. For an 8 year old (soon to be 9) she's pretty good. Hey, who knows, maybe she's got a future as a graphic designer. Anyway, the orb is her creation, the patterns are mine.
Cheers, and have a good day folks.
Posted by OldGuy at 10:25 AM | Comments (3)
March 2, 2007
Thing
The reason I haven't been around for a while is mainly the arthitis. My left hand was giving me a nasty time for about a week so I was in no mood to write anything. And even if I had been, typing was quite difficult for several days. Although I'm on a computer at work all day it was tough going even there. My usual hunt and peck style was more like hunt, pick up left hand, drag it slowly to keyboard, drop it on the appropriate letter, use right hand for next letter. A couple of days I just left the left hand alone, so I was left with the right hand, which was quite confusing. But at least the left hand got a little vacation. Not that it deserved one, big useless lump that it is. Quite frankly I was tempted to cut it off and send it packing. I think the right hand deserved a vacation more but it was to busy to go on one. Maybe I'll send it to Cabos next week.
Suzi, got any room in your suitcase ?
Posted by OldGuy at 9:04 AM | Comments (6)