« January 2006 | Main | March 2006 »
February 26, 2006
Sunday Morning Musings
You know that old story about how if everybody on the planet jumped at the same time, when they land the earth would crack open ? Scientists have pretty much discounted that nonsense right ? Well, I got thinking this week that although cracking the earth open might not work we could still gain valuable information from trying this, namely the total weight of the earth's population.
See, what we do is we weigh the earth with all the people on the ground first, then we weigh it when they're all in the air.
Okay, I know, there are a few problems with this, but it could work.
Firts, you need to build a really big scale like those ones you find at the market for weighing vegetables, but much bigger, and get it under the earth. This would be a good project for NASA.
Then you weigh the earth with all the people on it, they all jump at the same time, and you weigh it again while they're in the air, and voila, you have the total weight of mankind.
Or you could do it country by country, find out how much each one weighs, then when you read one of those articles about how fat North Americans are, and how we eat too much, you'd have a frame of reference.
Now, I know you're thinking, but what about the babies ? Easy, pick them up, then jump. Old people ? Same thing, most of them don't weigh much anyway, and if they do, two people could pick them up and jump together, it's just a matter of teamwork.
Okay, there are one or two other problems.
The French would bring sex into it.
"Only if we can have intercourse at ze same time. And the earth will move !"
The Americans would want to beat everybody at it.
"We can jump higher, faster, and longer than everybody else. We have the technology."
And then they'd throw Shaquille O'Neal into the mix.
"Hey Shaq, come down man, everybody else landed five minutes ago."
The Irish would see the experiment as another reason to get drunk and when they jumped they'd fall all over themselves and not one of them would hit the ground at the same time.
The Italians, well, you just know the Mafia would get involved and take bets on the whole thing.
"Hey Tony, I got $500 says the Chinese weigh more than the Indians."
And then there's the wacko religious terrorists to contend with. They'd probably all strap explosives to their chests because they'd think when they land their weight combined with the power of the explosives would blow the world up, so they'd threaten to actually do it.
And what if God put his thumb on the scale when eveybody was in the air ? That would totally screw up the results, and he'd do it too, because he likes a good laugh as much as the next guy.
Come to think of it, this would never work, let's just forget the whole idea.
Anyway, have a great week, and don't let your pants catch on
I changed the fire text, I like this one better.
Posted by OldGuy at 10:24 AM
February 24, 2006
An Interesting Mission
James Bond entered M's office at 9:05 a.m.
"You're five minutes late."
"I was eating breakfast when you summoned me."
"Was she good ?"
"Quite. Now what's this about ?"
"Her Majesty wants you to go to Ireland and get her a leprauchan."
"A what ??"
"A leprauchan. She's heard the stories about how well endowed and randy they are and she wants one. Seems the prince hasn't boffed her for years."
"Why ?"
"He prefers fruit that hasn't been on the vine for quite so long."
"So the prince is a fruit ?"
"I didn't say that."
"You realize leprauchans are a myth made up by the Irish to explain away their drunken follies."
"Be that as it may, her majesty believes in them, and she wants one."
"Right, well, I'm off then."
"Stop by and see Q on your way out, he has something for you."
5 minutes later, Q's laboratory.
"Good morning Q, what have you got for me."
"This."
"That's a bag of crisps."
"Yes, but they're not ordinary crisps, they explode when you eat them."
"So, if I understand correctly, if I'm being attacked by a crazed Irishman, or leprauchan, not that they exist, but if they did, I'm to offer them a crisp ?"
"Precisely 007."
It was going to be an interesting mission he thought to himself.
Posted by OldGuy at 1:33 PM
February 22, 2006
Coincidence ? I think not.
I was going to write another story today, in fact I started to work on it yesterday but it'll have to wait a day or two as I got sidetracked this morning.
So what have caused this decision you ask ? Yes, you want to know, in fact you're absolutely dying to, I can tell.
Call it coincidence, or maybe it's connections I certainly don't know, I'm not in charge of the universe, I'm just a bit player.
Anyway, my son is taking a film studies class and for his assignment he chose the movie "The Man In The Iron Mask." My wife and I were discussing his choice last night and she asked me what I knew about it. I said that I'd never seen the movie but believed it was based on Alexandre Dumas's book of the same name. This was confirmed when I saw the book in his room a short time later.
So this morning I'm reading my latest book, the one I told you about a few weeks ago, and the following line jumps out at me:
"Perhaps he warmed to the romantic notion that he had something in common with the betrayed title character in Alexndre Dumas's The Man in the Iron Mask, that he was the equivalent of a heroic peasant while I, his twin, had ascended to the throne of France."
Now, we don't discuss Alexandre Dumas around the house every day, in fact the last time his name came up was, well, never. Yet the day after speaking of him I see his name in the book I'm reading.
Maybe I'm supposed to read it.
So what do you think of this one ? Nothing fancy really but it's the first thing I've done without a tutorial, I just played with filter and emboss settings. Hey, I should have called it "Wasp", that would be cool. Maybe I'll try that tonight, pick a less cushy font too, wasps are more dangerous looking eh ?
I'll have to try something a little more challenging soon, but text is so easy and fun to play with I love it !
Posted by OldGuy at 10:05 AM
February 19, 2006
Sunday Morning Musings
What a difference a week makes. No, things aren't perfect, far from it, but I feel a little better.
I got involved in a little blogging project this week helping others with Movable Type (yeah, imagine that, somebody actually thinks I know something) and that to lifted my spirits a little. Also, I'm still playing around with graphics and having a ball with it, last night I did this in Photoshop :
Yeah, Photoshop. My trial version of Fireworks expired so I downloaded a trial version of Photoshop. What can I say, I'm cheap. Seriously though, I intend to go with one or the other but might as well try em for free first eh ?
Oh yeah, one other thing about graphics. Until now I've just been saving them and uploading them without paying much attention to optimization, however I've read enough about it now that I understand the importance of it. Just today I optimized two of the graphics here and saved a ton of file space just by accepting the default settings. Live and learn.
A very good friend (she knows who she is) also reminded me that I have friends I can talk to when things get rough, I don't have to try to take on the world by myself, as I sometimes have a tendency to do.
I was insulted on the train this week, not once but twice. What happened was they have fare inspectors on the train who go around asking people for proof of payment (a pass, a ticket, something). Guess who never got asked ? They just smiled, and kept on walking, asked all the kids. I mean hey, I like to think I'm not too old or honest looking ya know ?
"Don't bother Ed, he looks like the honest type. Besides, he can't run very fast anyway."
My daughter's provided us with a little written amusement lately. Last week her mom had her write out lines because she was misbehaving at home so she wrote:
"I promise to behave for the wrist of my life."
And her Valentines card to mom and dad read:
"I love the way you don't mind how perfect I am." I think she meant something about not minding that she's not perfect but I could be wrong about that, after all this is the princess we're talking about.
Hey, PM, or or rather TNChick as she likes to be called now, has moved. Check her out at here.
So what else happened this week ? Ah yes, the family went out for dinner on Valentine's day. We had a great meal at a Thai restaurant and followed up by going to our favourite Italian dessert place to pick up some goodies to take home. A wonderful time was had by all. My wife and I didn't spend much on each other (we never do) but our son splurged, especially on his mother. He got her a lovely boquet of roses, must've cost him a pretty penny but he's working now and felt she deserved it, as indeed she does.
Anyway, that's all for now, gotta go check on the princess, give mom a break for a bit.
Have a good week folks.
Posted by OldGuy at 4:00 PM | Comments (7)
February 17, 2006
The Story Below
I know it's a little early but the idea came to me this morning and I couldn't resist.
Enjoy.
Oh, and my apologies to the Irish, no harm intended.
Posted by OldGuy at 11:54 AM
The Real Story Behind St. Patrick's Day
Once upon a time, in the far off land of Ireland, lived a boy named Patrick.
Patrick was a bit weird in that he loved snakes.
Every day Patrick would go into the forest and play with the snakes, feeding them, teaching them tricks, and just generally having a good time with them.
Sometimes his parents worried that Patrick liked snakes a little too much, especially when he got older and his friends started dating girls. Patrick had no interest in girls, but he could spend all day playing with snakes.
But they loved him anyway because he was a gentle, albeit simple soul.
One day while he was in the forest Patrick met a leprauchan. Leprechauns were not an uncommon site in the magical land of Ireland, in fact most people claimed to have seen one at one time or another. Of course, the wonderful people of Ireland were also fond of the drink so these stories may have been a tad exagerrated.
Leprauchans were generally regarded as mischevious little fellows (they had been known to convice drunken Irishmen that there were pots of gold at the end of the rainbow and delighted in watching the poor souls try to find them), and this one was no different. The leprauchan, endowed as it was with the ability to read minds, and so knowing of Patrick's love of snakes, told him that snakes were evil creatures and must be driven from the land. Using all its magic, the leprauchan spent the night working its powers on Patrick's mind so that by morning he was quite convinced that the snakes must go.
Come dawn Patrick proceeded to the spot the leprauchan had told him about and was readying to call the snakes out of the ground when a little wee baby snake crawled by. Patrick's heart was gladdened and the leprauchan's spell was broken. As revenge for trying to get him to rid the land of snakes Patrick decided to rid the land of potatoes instead because legend had it that leprauchans loved potatoes. What Patrick failed to think about was that all Irishmen loved potatoes, in fact that was pretty much all they ate, but being Irish, Patrick never thought too much.
So Patrick called all the potatoes out of the ground and marched them into the sea, creating a bloody awful mess that took months to clean up. Some day the Irish would be recruited to clean up oil spills as they had previous experience in cleaning up messy coastlines. The more important consequence of Patrick's actions however was the great Irish potato famine, during which thousands of Irishmen, having no potatoes to eat, either starved, or emigrated to other parts of the world looking for food, bringing with them their well-known love of life and a good party.
A few of the potatoes were trampled in their rush to the sea and were flattened completely. Later, when the sun grew hot, these flattened potatoes dried into hard little disks that were collected by the Irish. They would use these disks as weapons, firing them at their enemies, and many a man was decapitated by a well thrown potato disk. Of course, their enemies soon discovered that if you stood far enough back the disks would fall harmlessly to the ground, and you could pick them up and eat them. Thus were potato chips born, although in later years they would be made much smaller and lighter so they couldn't be used as weapons. They would also be renamed "crisps" by the British, to whom the Irish were an eternal nuisance.
And the Irish, terribly embarrased at the actions of young Patrick, covered the incident up by telling everyone that he had actually driven out the snakes, and made him a saint.
Posted by OldGuy at 11:53 AM | Comments (7)
February 13, 2006
Monday Morning Morsels
Well, I couldn't call it Sunday Morning Musings could I ?
Anyway, for the first time in a long time I wasn't able to get here yesterday. Maybe "wasn't able" isn't the right term, more like "didn't feel up to it." My arthritis was a bear all weekend again and that and the fact that I seem to be paddling against the current lately is dampening my enthusiasm to do anything. I wish I could say otherwise because the tree house is supposed to be a happy place but ...
Anyway, things will get better, they always do don't they ?
But hey, a bit of light-heartedness anyhow.
My son and I were in a store the other day and he pointed out a new razor that has five blades. Not two, not three, but five. I told him that's not for shaving, that's for cosmetic surgery.
I have a few more graphics for you too.
The first one is a photo booth picture of the kids that I retouched, softened, and added the butterflies to. The second is a sun that a created from a tutorial. I think they turned out okay.
Enjoy.
Posted by OldGuy at 11:16 AM | Comments (9)
February 9, 2006
Busy, Busy
Well, it been another busy week and I've barely had time to get to the tree house.
Work was quite hectic this week and home life, well, there's always something to do, what with the princess being in Grade 2 this year and the young lad having a part-time job. Yeah, believe it or not, when your kids get a job your life gets busier. I guess it's because there's one less person in the house to keep the princess busy. Truth be told we'd kind of gotten used to asking the lad to keep an eye on his sister when we had things to do. We still do, just not as often.
I've also been playing around with graphics some more when I can find the time. Haven't really made much, mostly just trying stuff out to see what things do. I started working on a litttle masking project last night and if it turns out I'll post it on the weekend.
Of course with all this stuff going on I haven't had much chance to work on those stories I keep promising so I guess I better get cracking before I forget them. I had a really neat dream last night and was going to turn it into a story but by the time I got up this morning I'd forgotten it. Hopefully it'll come back to me.
Anyway, back to work, so see you folks soon.
Posted by OldGuy at 10:28 AM | Comments (2)
February 5, 2006
Sunday Morning Musings
This morning as I was musing
My brain I was contusing
Because it kept refusing
To write anything amusing
Old ideas I kept reusing
My readers I was abusing
It was all so confusing
THAT I GAVE UP !!!
Sorry folks but it's the best I could do today. I spent so much time playing with graphics this week that my eyes are like little pee holes in a snow bank. No more computer today, need rest !
Posted by OldGuy at 12:36 PM | Comments (2)
February 3, 2006
Cleaning House
I decided to do a little maintenance on the blog tonight. I took the sidebars out on the category and monthly pages so now they only appear on the main page. I figured things would load a little faster that way and you can always click on "Main" or on the banner to get back to the main page. Not that I have a lot of images on here yet but I have started to notice that as I add more things are slowing down.
While I was at it I did a little cleaning on my desktop. I had so much junk on there and some of it was in folders I don't even remember creating so I deleted everything I don't need and reorganized the rest.
Geez, all that work tired me out, I think I'll go lay down.
Posted by OldGuy at 8:08 PM | Comments (1)
Just an Old Dog
As I've said before, I'm like a dog with a bone, I'll just keep chewing at it until I get what I want. So the OG graphic you see in the left sidebar is the final result. It stays. Period. I've worked at it all week. Yeah, I know, some people could have done it in 5 minutes but what can I say. I'm not sure how many I actually made before I settled on this one, I stopped counting at 20. It was fun though, I learned a lot, and hey, it was a nice change of pace. Anyway, that's me, a little old maybe, a little silly maybe, but with just a touch of class and fast when I have to be. He he.
BTW, the Capn's Tree House graphic stays too of course, I wouldn't be without it.
It's Friday already, another week down, and February is a short month so believe it or not spring is around the corner. Okay, it's a big corner, but we'll get around it. And you guys know how I feel about spring what with the flowers blooming, and the trees turning green and the birds and the bees doing their birdy beey thing. Don't you just love it ?
My wife and daughter went to see Hillary Duff in concert last night. Hilary used to be a cute little kid. She's not a kid anymore.
You wanna see some cool graphics, go here, she's pretty good.
Anyway, the weekend is just a few hours away so I'm gonna get into weekend mode by emptying my head of useless information (basically everything but the location of the refrigerator).
See you folks on Sunday.
Posted by OldGuy at 12:32 PM | Comments (2)
February 2, 2006
Fast
"Where's OG ?"
"He was here a minute ago, he must have stepped out."
"Ah, there he is."
"Hey, where did he go now ?"
"I don't know, he moves so fast it's hard to keep up to him."
"Yeah, he's like greased lighting. You wouldn't think an old guy like him could move that fast."
"There he goes again, did you see how fast he moved, he's a blur."
"Yeah, I saw a movie once about an old cowboy like that. This young buck wanted to take him on through the whole movie but the old cowboy kept saying no. The young fella thought it was because he was chicken but in the end it turned out the old guy had to fight him and you found out the reason he'd been putting it off was because he was so damn fast that ... well ... "
Okay, maybe I'm not that fast but I like the logo anyway. I decided not to go with the black after all, it was just weird. I'll have to tone the background down a bit too but otherwise I think it's cool.
Posted by OldGuy at 11:08 AM