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June 28, 2005

 

Scrollbar

 

I changed the scrollbar colours to match the rest of the page.

Only works in IE though, not in FF.

Oh well, maybe FF will support coloured scrollbars one of these days.

   

Posted by OldGuy at 6:26 PM | Comments (2)

   

June 27, 2005

 

We Made It

 

Well, we made it through the weekend successfully.

Even though my wife was away for the weekend we ate, slept, had a bit of fun and survived without any major crises.

Seriously though, even though my wife worries a bit (because that's what mothers do) there was never any question that we would be okay for the weekend.

The highlights of the weekend ?

My son and I watched a movie together on Saturday night, "Be Cool" with John Travolta, and I took my daughter to the water park on Saturday and Sunday, where she had loads of fun. She even ran into a few friends yesterday and they played together for a couple of hours.

Anyway, mom got back last night, thoroughly exhausted because she and her friends were up quite late a couple nights over the weekend, but she had fun and that's what's important.

So life goes back to normal today.

   

Posted by OldGuy at 1:01 PM | Comments (2)

   

June 26, 2005

 

It Grinds

 

It's Back.

The pain.

It was gone for a while but now it's back.

Allow me to explain.

I have rheumatoid arthritis, have had it for several years. As a result I have suffered joint damage to my feet, ankles, wrists and fingers. I also have torn muscles in both shoulders that apparently cannot be fixed because they're not large, easy to repair tears. Rather, they're what's known as tissue tears, which means the muscles look like a sheet of tissue paper that's been stretched almost to the breaking point; a lot of little tears all over the place.

I take medication for the arthritis and it usually works pretty well but sometimes the disease goes into a flare up and it's as if the medication just doesn't work. When that happens I get serious pain to the point that I take pain medication like candy just to keep the pain at a bearable level. It's usually much worse at night, and I often wake up in the middle of the night and I'm awake for hours.

A couple of winters ago was the worst the pain ever got. For several months I was waking up every night between 1-2 a.m. and often didn't get back to sleep for hours. As a result I was always tired, which made it harder to deal with the pain and eventually the whole thing was just a big vicious circle; couldn't sleep because of the pain, couldn't deal with the pain because I was always tired so the pain kept getting worse.

One night I awoke from a dream in which somebody asked me what it was like to be in pain all the time and I replied "It grinds."

When I woke up I thought about those words and I quickly realized how appropriate they were. You see, the pain was grinding my resistance, my spirit, my very will to live. It felt like I was being ground down a little more every night.

After several months I got to the point that I almost couldn’t deal with it anymore and I entertained thoughts of finding a quick way out. I didn’t do it though and when spring came and the weather warmed up the pain finally receded; it didn't go away completely, it never does, but it became bearable again.

Then last winter was pretty good, barely any pain at all, and I thought I'd make it right through to next winter again with little pain at all.

But it came back about a month ago and it's up to its old nasty tricks again.

It's the middle of the night and I got up about an hour and a half ago and popped some painkillers.

I think I'll go back to bed and try to get some sleep now.

   

Posted by OldGuy at 1:19 AM | Comments (2)

   

June 25, 2005

 

I Can Make It Better

 

The last time I saw my mother alive was at a family party for an aunt and uncle of mine.

My wife, son and I drove several hours to a small town in northern Ontario to attend the party and because most of the family and several friends had been invited most of us had to stay in a motel overnight. In fact we pretty much had one particular motel booked solid.

My wife and son and I had to share a room with my parents because there were no other rooms available.

That night I had a dream that I will never forget, in fact I think of it often.

In this dream our whole family plus many other people were attending a party in a large hall, one with windows all around. Everybody was having a good time and things were going quite well until it suddenly got very dark outside.

People looked out and a storm had blown up and was spawning tornadoes all over the place.

Everybody tried to find shelter. Some of us ran outside and sought shelter in an amphitheatre that was next to the hall.

The tornadoes went this way and that for several minutes but none of them got near us and nobody was hurt.

Just as everybody started to come out of their hiding places the biggest blackest tornado imaginable suddenly came down out of the clouds. This tornado covered the entire horizon from east to west and stretched upwards for hundreds of miles. Furthermore it seemed to emanate evil, almost as if wanting to kill everyone.

I knew there would be no escaping this tornado, we were all going to die.

The tornado approached slowly but surely, seeming to get bigger and blacker and more evil every second.

When the tornado was almost directly over us and I thought my life was about to end it simply disappeared, as if it had never existed, and I heard a voice say "I can make it better."

At that point I woke up shaking and crying and couldn't stop for several minutes as I was simply overwhelmed with emotion.

My wife, who had been laying next to me asked what was wrong and I told her about the dream I'd had. She answered that perhaps it was a message and I should heed it.

As I was still overcome with emotion and could not get back to sleep I went for a walk to the motel lobby, where I met my mother who was sitting having a cigarette because she too had been unable to sleep.

I told her about the dream and she too said that it seemed to mean something and I should think seriously upon it.

A few months later my mom died, followed by my dad a month later.

My son was later diagnosed with a brain tumour and although he's fine now our lives were in turmoil for a couple of years because of it.

My son was recently diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and that too has had a big impact on our lives.

He also underwent some emotional difficulties last year and became suicidal. He's better now but one never knows.

My wife became ill when she was pregnant for our daughter and that too was a scary time.

Perhaps it's the arthritis. I've dertainly spent many a long dark night wondering if the pain would ever stop.

Throughout all these trials I always wondered, is this the "big tornado" and will it overwhelm me or our family ?

Or are all of these things together, and perhaps other trials still to come the "big tornado."

And what of the words "I can make it better ?"

I honestly believe God talks to us sometimes and I believe he did so that night.

Did I pray to him during these difficult times ?

Yes, every night and every spare minute of the day. There were times when I was so scared I cried and begged God not to let my son die and to let my daughter be born.

After my parents died, as angry as I was, I prayed every night that God would keep them safe and I would even say hi to them.

And do I still pray today ?

Truthfuly, not much, I stopped a long time ago and I'm ashamed of that. It's time I started again.

And you know what I used to pray every night when things were okay, when life was rolling along just fine ?

I would thank God for my family, for putting food on the table and a roof over our heads, and for letting me live another day. Then I would ask him if he would do the same tomorrow, but if for some reason he wouldn't fine, his will be done.

So I need to start praying again because I miss it. There is an emptiness in my life that needs to be filled and only talking to God again will fill it.

   

Posted by OldGuy at 5:17 PM

   

June 23, 2005

 

The Piggyback Express

 

I give my daughter a piggyback upstairs most nights so she can have her tub and get ready for bed.

Last week however the arthritis was pretty bad so I wasn't able to do so. This week I'm feeling a little better so of course she's been asking for her piggyback again.

I don't mind doing it, heck I love it. I wish I could still piggyback my son but he's 17 years old now so he's a little too big for that sort of thing.

Anyway, last night I was puttering on the computer when I mentioned it was bath time. Naturally she asked for her piggyback but I put her off for a few minutes because I was busy.

The next thing I know she's singing a little song she just made up called "The Piggyback Express"; pretty good lyrics, accompanied by train sounds of course.

I guess I'll be hearing it every night for a while.

On another note, my wife is going away for the weekend with a friend so it'll just be me and the kids.

She's a bit worried about how we'll make out, especially counting carbs for my son because of his diabetes.

We'll manage the carb counting and I'm sure we'll keep busy somehow :)

   

Posted by OldGuy at 10:35 AM | Comments (4)

   

June 19, 2005

 

Father's Day

 

Today was Father's Day, and it was a good one.

The day started when my daughter woke me up at 8 a.m. and told me to stay in bed and wait for the "surprises."

Well, the surprises were a new t-shirt with "Best Dad Hands Down" printed on it on which my daughter, son, and wife had put their hand prints in blue, red, and yellow fabric paint. I also got an espresso/capucinno maker which I'm dying to try as I'm a big coffee drinker so this will be a real treat. Finally my daughter made me a little popsicle stick box for my desk at work and put red licorice in it.

You can never have too much red licorice and everybody needs a popsicle stick box right ?

Later we went out for lunch and my wife's grandmother, who has been a big part of our lives for years (especially as my wife and I both lost our parents years ago) joined us. Everybody had Chinese food except me. I had a huge smoked meat sandwich and fries. With my new t-shirt I was the most colourful guy in the restaurant, and I was proud of it.

After lunch we went shopping and everybody, not just me, got new clothes, which was cool.

Back at the house later we played for a bit and relaxed. We were going to have steak for dinner but everybody was too full from lunch so we just snacked. As soon as I'm done here I'm going to have the rest of the sandwich I ordered for lunch but couldn't finish (ummm...).

Had to stop writing for a few minutes while I thanked everybody for the great gifts and wonderful day; I didn't want my daughter to fall asleep before I had the chance to do that.

Anyway, it was a great day and I'm happy and privileged to have such a wonderful family.

I love being a Dad.

One last thing. To my own father, Happy Father's Day Dad, wish you were here.

   

Posted by OldGuy at 8:48 PM | Comments (8)

   

June 17, 2005

 

Satisfied At Last

 

Yep, been playing around with the colours again.

I decided to soften the background a bit, looks more like the inside of a tree than a sheet of paper now.

I was finally able to create a sidebar that goes all the way to the bottom of the page. I did it by creating a light border all around the content section. As there is already a dark brown border around the container however, the top, bottom and left borders of the content section seem to disappear; only the right border shows up, giving the appearance of a sidebar.

It's just a trick, and it took a while before I figured it out (the problem was the sidebar was rendering in FF but not in IE)but I finally got it.

I kept the pink in the sidebar because it reinforces the feeling of softness and it reminds someone of cherries :)

I removed the green border and went with brown all around.

So where are the green highlights one expects to see in a tree ?

Why in the picture of the tree house of course. And links are still green when you hover over them, so there you go.

I added just a touch of blue to the background so now the tree house is set against a blue-grey sky. I also made the top and bottom margins the same so now the tree house appears to be floating in the sky :)

Finally, I changed the colour of the clock, thanks to my wife who pointed out that the yellow one looks much better than the green one with the new colour scheme.

So why the major changes and why did it take so long ?

All along I've wanted a look I really liked, a look that was at once eye-catching yet soft. A peaceful look if you will, one that says come in and sit a while, put your feet up, relax. This is a quiet place.

I struggled with the colours for quite some time trying to get that look, then a few months ago I decided to really learn about colours. I spent countless hours at colour matching sites on the web, learning and experimenting. I also observed street signs and store windows whenever I had the chance, after all people get paid to design these things so they must know what they're doing. And of course, I studied that greatest of all canvases, nature; trees, gardens, skies.

And bit by bit I started to put the colours I wanted together, sometimes spending hours trying to get something just right, and when I found a colour I wanted it went in.

Eventually it all came together.

Anyway, it was a learning experience and I'm happy with the results.

   

Posted by OldGuy at 1:38 AM | Comments (6)

   

June 15, 2005

 

Home

 

Yesterday was the end-of-year summer BBQ at my daughter's school, the one she's attended since she started school 3 years ago.

I really look forward to this event because it's the first chance we get to catch up with all the kids, parents and teachers we haven't seen all winter. The kids all love it so most of them show up with their parents in tow.

The day started out quite rainy but by the time of the BBQ the weather had cleared up and it was hot and humid again (a bit too hot, but hey, it beats cold and snow).

As usual there were lots of games, food, and a really great entertainer, who apparently was there last year but I hadn't paid him much atention then, maybe because I was busy with my daughter. But this time I really enjoyed him, he played a lot of old tunes like "Bye Bye Miss American Pie", "Wasting Away in Margaritaville" and my all time favourite song ever "Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diamond, which I only caught the tail end of because I was inside the school at the bake sale.

At home later I had to play my Neil Diamond's Greatest Hits cd, just had to. There's something about those songs that just reaches into the core of my being and brings me such indescribable joy that I almost always get misty (yeah, I know, what else is new).

Anyway, here I was listening to the music while keeping an eye on my daughter, who was playing on the bouncy castle. My son was working one of the kids games and my wife was running around bringing water bottles and popsicles to everybody working the event.

And as I looked around and saw all the kids having fun and their parents chatting and eating and enjoying the beautiful weather it occured to me.

This was my neighbourhood, these were my people and I was home.

   

Posted by OldGuy at 9:49 AM

   

June 13, 2005

 

Is It a Flower ? A Weed ? A Spaceship ?

 

On my way to work today I found a beautiful flower that I'm anxious to take home to my daughter. I'm sure she'll love it.

It's very geometrical and reminds me of the US pavillion at Expo 67.

Actually I think it's a weed, but it's gone to seed and looks like a dandelion, but much bigger, almost the size of an orange. and the "seeds" are quite firmly attached. So it's this huge fluffy thing, looks like a sea anemone or something from space.

Anyway, I can hardly wait to get it home.

   

Posted by OldGuy at 3:49 PM | Comments (2)

   

June 12, 2005

 

JDRF Walk to Cure Diabetes Was Today

 

Well, we did it.

Our whole family turned out for the walk and raised a respectable $343. Next year we're going to start raising money a lot earlier and shoot for some big bucks. But the point is we did it and we're proud of it.

We had a bit of a scare when the kids decided to jog on up ahead of us and we lost sight of them but in the end our whole family (mother, father, son, and daughter) made it to the finish line safe and sound.

The event was very well organized, with lots of food and drinks and entertainment for young and old.

But the most important thing of all is that hundreds of people turned out and raised lots of money; the goal was $345,000 so hopefully we achieved it, I'll know in a few days.

Anyway, we're all very tired tonight but it's a good tired, we feel we accomplished something, and we had fun doing it.

Son, we did it for you. Someday we'll beat this disease and you won't have to do blood tests and insulin shots every day and you'll be able to eat what you want when you want.

   

Posted by OldGuy at 8:36 PM | Comments (3)

   

June 11, 2005

 

Got it All Packed Away

 

Finally got everything packed away. I created a few new categories and put everything in them.

About time too, there was stuff laying all over the place, cluttering up the tree house.

I even found a nest of squirrels under a couple of old stories. Gave the little buggers a few stale nuts that were left over from Christmas and kicked them out.

Oh yeah, I also put up a new clock, got the idea from Shannon.

Don't know Shannon ? I'll be adding her site to my links later today, but her blog name, in case you want to check it out is Wind Scraps.

Update later

I added Shannon's blog to my links.

Ckeck it out, she writes quite well.

   

Posted by OldGuy at 11:08 PM | Comments (2)

     

Finally Added Categories

 

I finally added a few category names I can live with, now I just have to put stuff in em.

Hopefully it'll all make sense. ;-)

   

Posted by OldGuy at 10:44 AM

   

June 10, 2005

 

I will read at least 3 blogs a day

 

I haven't been to Blogexplosion much lately so I resolved yesterday to make it every day and read at least 3 blogs a day.

Note I said read, not just surf. Yeah, sometimes I just let the clock count down if it's a blog I'm not interested in but otherwise I read them. After all, somebody took the time to write them.

Now I just hope I can stick to it.

   

Posted by OldGuy at 12:32 PM | Comments (2)

   

June 9, 2005

 

BBQ today

 

It's our staff association's summer BBQ today.

Hot dogs, hamburgers, drinks, dessert, and a few games.

I love it. A chance to get away from the phones for an hour and enjoy some free food.

Louise, I'll be thinking of you while I enjoy this tasty feast, hope you're getting as good for your birthday ;-)

   

Posted by OldGuy at 9:16 AM

   

June 8, 2005

 

Dress your age

 

You ranted yesterday Liz so now it's my turn.

Dress your age people !

Miniskirts and bikinis are for younger ladies (there are a few, very few exceptions) and speedo bathing suits are for younger men (again a few exceptions, yours truly not amongst them).

I mean come on people, these fashions are for people whose bodies shout "I got what it takes baby" not for those, (yours truly definitely amongst them) whose bodies mutter quietly "I used to kinda have it, but it's long gone so look somewhere else".

Yeah, I wear shorts and t-shirts and stuff, but only on warm days and never, ever at work, because I don't want to be laughed at, I don't invite that sort of humiliation on purpose.

I'm not saying you should wrap yourself in a shroud folks, there are lots of nice clothes out there for those of us who have reached a certain age. I'm just saying if it looks like it belongs on Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt and you look more like Julie Andrews or Sean Connery, please don't wear it.

   

Posted by OldGuy at 2:40 PM | Comments (3)

   

June 7, 2005

 

She's Growing Up

 

My daughter is definitely growing up.

Some of you have known her since she was 5 years old when she and her daddy had father-daughter date nights every Friday night.

We don't do as many of those as we used to, now it has to be a really good movie for her to want to spend Friday night with her dad. Fortunately she still likes to go to the park and just the other day mentioned that now that the weather has warmed up we have to go bug catching soon too.

But the biggest change in her the last few months has been that she's turning into a real girl. All her clothes have to match and her hair has to be just right and her nails need to be painted and this is all mommy stuff, daddy can't help her with any of this.

I have to admit I get a kick out of it all. Just the other day her mom took her out and bought her a bunch of summer outfits and when she showed them too me I thought "Wow, I wish I had clothes like that".

But what's really neat is that, thanks to her mother, she is definitely learning how to put outfits together.

Just yesterday she put on one of her new outfits, an orange top and matching capri pants (yes, I know what they are, I hear about them all the time !) that her mother bought her AND wore her tye-dye orange head scarf with it.

Now you might be thinking so what's the big deal, surely she isn't colour blind. Well no, but the point is she made the effort to make sure that everything matched. She even picks out her jewellery to match her outfits.

So there you have it. Daddy's little princess is turning into a fashion queen.

No navy blue socks and brown pants for my little girl ;-)

   

Posted by OldGuy at 2:28 PM | Comments (4)

   

June 5, 2005

 

The Old Man and the Angel

 

One day an old man died and went to heaven.

When he got there he was met at the gates by an angel who said he would show the old man heaven so he could see what a wonderful place it was. They walked for what seemed like days and the old man saw wonders beyond his wildest dreams. Castles so big and dazzling they appeared to be carved out of giant crystals. Streams so deep and blue they could only originate in vast cold mountain tops where the snow was the purest white and the air was as clean as the soul of a newborn child. Fields so plentiful and rich they seemed like waves of pure molten gold laid down upon the land.

And finally the seat of God itself, a high towering throne of such incredible brilliance and from which flowed such incredible love that the old man felt an indescribable desire to stay in this place forever.

The angel then spoke to the old man and asked him what he had done with his life to deserve to stay here and the old man replied that he had led a good life, never hurting anyone.

The angel replied that they would examine the old man's life together and he, the angel, would decide if the old man could stay.

The angel asked the old man if he had ever loved a woman. The old man replied no, he had never loved a woman because he feared she might deceive him some day so kept his distance from them.

The angel asked the old man if he had ever stood by a child's bedside when that child was in hospital sick or injured and the old man replied no, he never had any children because he feared they might hurt him some day so he didn't have any.

The angel asked the old man if he had ever stood at his parents graveside and cried and raged because they had died and he loved them and missed them so much he didn't know what he would do and the old man replied no, he had always been somewhat distant from his parents because he feared they would abandon him someday.

The angel thought a while and then told the old man that he would not be allowed to enter heaven because he had not lived a truly passionate life, a life filled with love and happinness and hope and sorrow and rage and taking chances and praying to God for help in times of need and thanking God for his help each and every day.

The old man was greatly saddened until the angel told him that because he had not lived a bad life, merely an empty one, he would be given a second chance. God would allow his soul to be born again in another human being and this time he must lead a life deserving of heaven if he was to ever come back here. The old man asked if he would carry the knowledge of this place and his quest with him to guide him and the angel said no, he would be given no more and no less than any other human being had. The old man asked how he was to accomplish his task then and the angel replied that God would give him all the gifts necessary, it was up to him to use them.

And the angel sent the old man on his way with these parting words:

"When you have loved a woman so passionately that your heart soars at the sight of her; when you have walked a hospital corridor at 3 a.m. with your heart so full of pain and fear and sorrow that it feels like a knife is wedged in your heart because your child lies sick in a bed and you have fallen to your knees begging God to heal your child; when you have cursed God and raged at him for taking the lives of the parents you loved so deeply that you cannot comprehend how you will live without them, then later thanked him for taking them into his bosom; then and only then will you have lived a life worthy of heaven."

"Now go and do what you must do."

   

Posted by OldGuy at 9:41 PM

   

June 3, 2005

 

Peace

 

There's a place I go sometimes when I want peace. It's not a real place, it's in my head. For some reason though I always think it's in Louisiana.

It's night time and I'm in a boat on a small pond. There are a few trees growing up out of the water, old trees, and flowers must be blooming on them because there is a sweet but not overpowering aroma in the air. There is a soft warm breeze blowing, and the scent of the trees comes and goes with it, as does a sound like a wind chime tinkling faintly.

The sky is full of stars; diamonds, rubies, sapphires and emeralds twinkling in the heavens and the pond is so still the stars are reflected in it. A bloated moon sits low on the horizon throwing it's own eldritch light.

There is a magical feeling in the air, a feeling of peace and love and serenity.

And at that moment it is the most wondrous place in the universe and I'm privileged to be there.

Can you see it ?

   

Posted by OldGuy at 9:33 AM

   

June 2, 2005

 

Done ... for now

 

I'm happy with it.

Hope you like it too.

   

Posted by OldGuy at 10:39 PM | Comments (2)